I'm really into asian looking animals
Acid is not a monday night drug
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
