I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
