Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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