Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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