If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
