I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
