the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
