i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
