A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
