Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He passed out mid-signature
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
