They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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