If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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