I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
