If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
