More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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