the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
