very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
