Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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