YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
