he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
