I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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