Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
