Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
