im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
