I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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