look no pants
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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