Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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