I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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