No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
