you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
