You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
