Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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