The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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