Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
