Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
