when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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