how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
