i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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