made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
