we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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