Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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