In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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