Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
