You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
