Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
