It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
