Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
