john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
