they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
where am i from again
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
