In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
