I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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