i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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