Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
