Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
