Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
