I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
