his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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