I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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