SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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