ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
