I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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