My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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