Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
