I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
