my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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