Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
