youre lurking in front of me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
