so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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