he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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