R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
