trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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