and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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