I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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