She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize