We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
