I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
