dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
