Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
