is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
