This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
