OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
